so, i guess the only way im ever going to get this rachel business sorted out is if i force her to talk to me. its obvious that shes never going to see me or talk to me on the phone to sort any of these things out, so im guessing im gonna have to show up after work and get her to talk to me about it then. i feel like an enormous creepball for doing this, these are the types of things i made fun of her ex about, but its beginning to look like there's no other way. shes "really busy" but she still has time to hang out with her best friend every night. this is key in my knowing that shes just bullshitting me. or shes seeing another guy. those are the only reasons i can think of for this type of conduct.

all of the options look so terrible, i dont know whats going to happen. i dont think we could ever be in a real relationship after this.


my mini freakouts slowed down for a while because i used school as a justification for why she could never see me. but now im back up to speed, her being out of school and all leaves no more excuses. tonight is the night, its all going to happen tonight. im going to force it to. this is ridiculous, and i need to sort this out so i can move on. seriously. i need to move on.

nikki burke had a good quote on her myspace today:
"it took every ounce of my will...to ask "what the fuck is wrong with you?"
tonight, people, tonight.

see you at charlies.

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