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[Apr. 30th, 2008|12:53 am] |
"the social sciences department provides a broadly based, multicultural and multidisciplinary perspective on humanity, society, the environment and development...students have an opportunity to examine the human experience from a variety of viewpoints."
im thinking about it. theres an anthro-geography minor and a human ecology concentration. both look very appealing. the thing is, a year from now, will i still be interested in this stuff? 10 years from now?
thats what scares me, i feel like i have to decide before ive stopped changing. will i ever stop changing? everyone else seems to, right around this age. im not sure if i will. everyone else does, so probably? i guess i have another year before things get REALLY serious... |
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| mon nouveau velo des sangs |
[Mar. 29th, 2008|08:03 pm] |
shiiiiit |
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[Mar. 11th, 2008|12:56 am] |
hes back, and i want to shit on everything |
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| LiStEn To mY RaDiO sHoW |
[Mar. 8th, 2008|07:34 pm] |
ATTN:
for all you sillyheads that told me you would totally listen to my radio show but never did, its on an hour early tonight!
meaning that the time change makes it a little earlier, but it's still at 4 tonight (tomorrow morning?).
sooooooooooo this might be your last chance to listen to me do funny things on the air in the middle of the night, so dont pass it up foolios.
listen with realplayer here:
rtsp://129.65.35.106:8000/stream.sdp
or if you want to use quicktime you can go to:
http://kcpr.calpoly.edu/music/live.html
- The Nasty Patrol
- DJ Nasty
PS- you can request a song over AIM (kcprrequest) or you can call in-
(805) 756-5277
(805) SLO-KCPR
PPS
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[Feb. 23rd, 2008|04:11 am] |
so, im about to buy a carbon fiber bike with sweetass components (craigslist said 1800 new) for 400 bucks. its been ridden like 10 times.
i just bought the FRAME for my new bike for 400. used. off ebay.
for any of you that dont know about bikes, lance armstrong's bike is made out of carbon fiber. mine is made out of aluminum. mine cost 800 new.
wtf, exactly at the right time. right when im about to buy some entry-level components, someone throws some 200 dollar cranks and 300 dollar wheels at me. the frame alone is at least 800; with a 150 dollar seat. at 155 grams, thats one light seat. it looks like this:
oo, makes my mouth water just looking at it. the one on my bike now is probably like 400 grams. things like this never happen to me. that is, if i can pick it up before i go back on sunday.
shiiiit. money. bikes. bikes cost money. this one doesnt. and my new bike is gonna be a looot nicer than i thought. im guessing ill end up about even financially, plus a new fixie. free bike? fuck yeah. stooooked brah.
shitty mountain bikes and cruisers cost 400 dollars...not a new racing bike.
im just excited, thats all.
the thing is, things like this never work out. i mean, it would be awesome to believe i had a ridiculous stroke of luck, but i wont believe it until the bike is in my hands. lets hope he emails me tomorrow. |
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[Feb. 21st, 2008|06:50 pm] |
i think i found my soul mate. his name is TRAXAMILLION
i bought a cd today. if any of you like realllly good bay area rap, get this cd. seriously.
need a slapper? i like how it advertises trax as a producer on the cover.
btw, hannah has met mistah f.a.b. and almost went to his house in SF.
the bay is to tight.
oh yea, traxamillion is actually legit:
"Traxamillion is responsible for helping develop the new application for the PSP called Traxxpad:Portable Studio. Traxxpad is a music application for Sony's PlayStation Portable developed by Definitive Studios and published by Eidos Interactive. It was released June 26, 2007. Traxxpad is a portable music studio featuring a sequencer, drum machine, and keyboard for the creation of music tracks. It features a library of over 1000 sound samples for use, and allows users to record their own samples using a microphone for the PSP. Traxxpad uses Real Time Interactive Sequencing Technology (or RTIST) to create patterns from samples either in real-time or a step at a time. The MELOD mode allows users to modify the pitch of samples using a keyboard-like interface. The Studio Through a Console (or STAC) mode allows users to use patterns made in RTIST and put them together. When finished, you are able to export it to a memory stick or share it with others through an ad hoc network."
-wikipedia |
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[Feb. 18th, 2008|05:13 pm] |
So i dont know if i told any of you, but for my birthday (this past sat) my rents said they would pay for half of a new bike. this is good for a few reasons:
a) i can get a really nice one without feeling bad
b) i get a new bike, because my last one got stolen
c) i didnt know much when buying my last bike, so this time i will make more informed decisions
d) my bike will cost twice as much as im paying for it (and half of that because im building it, and buying my shit used)
So i bought the frame today. the auction ended at 4:20. set me back a pretty 400 bucks, but thats better than the 1200 for the whole new bike. im estimating ending up at around 700. which means i pay 300. sounds like a summer to me.
PS
these are music vids...this one is really good. watch at least until the music starts. aphex twin
you may have seen this. kanye
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[Feb. 2nd, 2008|04:40 am] |
so, a couple days ago i got a new honesty box message:
"god your so fucking cool and indie. its so indie, the way you beat women with cleats!"
?
cool dude.
but this isnt the first time ive been accused of cleat-beating. a couple weeks before that, i got the first message. due to the "reply" feature on the honesty box, i was able to converse with anonymous:
???
i heard that you like to beat women.
Ted Andreas
i always beat women. its a hobby of mine.
???
with soccer cleats? or golf cleats? it was one of the two, anyways, your a fucking asshole.
Ted Andreas
who did i hit with cleats?
???
glennie
ok, i havent talked to glennie in years (the last time i saw her we had a nice lil small talk at the library), and im preeeetty sure i didnt beat her with cleats. i think. unless it slipped my memory, then anonymous may be correct. but i dont think it did. i think i would remember something like that.
in either case, i think its kinda cool to be known as the cleat-beater. bitchez dont fuck with me. you know, they know what theyre gettin into and all that.
and, since im already known as a cleat-beater...whats to lose? why not enjoy my reputation as a cleater. i dont have golf shoes, but i should get some. good idea anon.
no but really, glennie. shes in the navy now, training hard to serve our country. i might have cleated the first woman president...who knows. maybe shell nuke my house. victims of cleating are known to hold grudges for decades. i should sent her a note, to say sorry. ill tie it to the leg of a pigeon, ive always wanted to do that.
When we pull up to the light the people all stare
four niggas in a benz with the dreadlock hair
smoke everywhere, wavin at mavericks
in the woodgrain davens with the license plate rattlin
doin what we want to hangin out the sun roof
we mental, we ignorant, boy we go dumb to
gas-break-dip, we call it yokein, do a doughnut in yo whip
we call it ghostin |
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[Jan. 17th, 2008|02:22 pm] |
Louis Armstrong created all that is good in the world. i want to be his best friend.
if i was black, thats who i would want to be, hands down. no question.
ps
wonderful
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[Jan. 13th, 2008|10:07 am] |
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
while i was drunk.
i left it laying on the street for the time it took me to walk up to the streetcorner and back. to walk hannah back. and we were pretty close.
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
someone stole my bike
.............................
..............................................................
who would have thought that boxed wine would get my bike stolen. motherfucking franzia.
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
....................
now what? if i see someone riding my bike, there will be blood spilled. seriously. i dont think ive ever been more serious about something like that.
someone stole it
i loved that bike. and my worst fears are finally confirmed. and i doubt my parents are gonna wanna drop another 350 plus all of the extra shit i put on myself, plus all of the character and love i put into that bike. and all of my christmas presents.
depression. |
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[Jan. 2nd, 2008|02:29 pm] |
shit, i leave tomorrow. i didnt even realize. weird.
i want to use my remaining hours well...but how?? i cant think of anything worthwile to do, that doesnt involve a lot of participation from other people. anyone wanna hang out?
i hope i actually do something on my last night here.....
and today? well i never have anything to do during the day either. i feel like later on ill regret not doing anything so much over break. |
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| real end of year update in a few days, this will have to do for now |
[Dec. 31st, 2007|07:44 pm] |
IN 2007...
( ) stayed single for the whole year
(x) madeout in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
(x) celebrated Halloween
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken
( ) had a stalker
(x) mooned someone
( ) came out of the closet
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) had an abortion
(x) had a relationship/friendship with someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
( ) lost faith in love.
( ) kissed under miseltoe
( ) painted a picture
( ) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
(x) shopped at Hollister or A&F
( ) posted a blog on MySpace
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
( ) went to a sleepover
( ) went camping
( ) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) flirted shamelessly
(x) visited a foreign country
(x) barged through a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren't
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something/someone important to you
(x) lied about how old you were
(x) prank called someone
RANDOM
1. How many people of the opposite sex have made you cry this year?
2?
2. Have you ever broken the law?
i would never do that
3. Have you ever kissed a smoker?
um EW
4. Is it really like licking an ashtray?
i wouldnt know
5. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
white
6) Whats the weather like now?
red
7. Can you see your phone?
yes
8. Do you have any pets?
not anymore
9. What are you listening to right now?
nothing at the moment...i was listening to busta rhymes though
10. What color are your eyes?
brown motherfucker
11. What size shoe do you wear?
these things dont change from year to year
12. Have you ever been called a bitch?
who hasnt? were all bitches.
13. How about a fag?
absolutely
14. Whats your dogs name?
snoop
15. What did you do last night?
smoked pot at the guys house and watched half baked.
16. What did you do 2 days ago?
probably the same thing, but replace half baked with superbad.
17. How many times have you seen your favorite movie?
ive never seen a movie
18. What holiday do you most enjoy?
halloween, because i like dressing up.
19. Which one of your siblings do you look like?
my dog
20. Do you have a new year's resolution yet?
smoke pot less? do more work? get back in shape? find better myspace surveys?
this one really blew. i probably should have previewed it a little before i did it, myspace surveys just arent what they used to be. |
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| watch these, its worth it. |
[Dec. 21st, 2007|06:44 pm] |
in order of importance:
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[Dec. 15th, 2007|12:29 pm] |
tomorrow, at 3:00, you are all invited to attend my eagle scout ceremony. its at the pacific school auditorium.
basically, they say good job for being an eagle, they say a bunch of shit, and each of the eagle scouts gives a speech. its bud mclellan's ceremony too, if you know him. if you want to see what scouting's all about, well this is the thing for you.
its gonna be a little lame though. but you will also hear the voice of the eagle. its beautiful.
scouting is so cool. |
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[Dec. 14th, 2007|04:29 pm] |
so, i guess the only way im ever going to get this rachel business sorted out is if i force her to talk to me. its obvious that shes never going to see me or talk to me on the phone to sort any of these things out, so im guessing im gonna have to show up after work and get her to talk to me about it then. i feel like an enormous creepball for doing this, these are the types of things i made fun of her ex about, but its beginning to look like there's no other way. shes "really busy" but she still has time to hang out with her best friend every night. this is key in my knowing that shes just bullshitting me. or shes seeing another guy. those are the only reasons i can think of for this type of conduct.
all of the options look so terrible, i dont know whats going to happen. i dont think we could ever be in a real relationship after this.
my mini freakouts slowed down for a while because i used school as a justification for why she could never see me. but now im back up to speed, her being out of school and all leaves no more excuses. tonight is the night, its all going to happen tonight. im going to force it to. this is ridiculous, and i need to sort this out so i can move on. seriously. i need to move on.
nikki burke had a good quote on her myspace today:
"it took every ounce of my will...to ask "what the fuck is wrong with you?"
tonight, people, tonight.
see you at charlies. |
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[Dec. 10th, 2007|10:37 pm] |
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leaving tonight for SLO, ill be back in a couple days. call me or something, its gonna be a long drive. |
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[Dec. 9th, 2007|01:06 am] |
b@k.
couldnt bring my bike cause i got a ride with friends. ill ride my moms old fashioned road bike.
but i brought my speakers. mm, i love these babies.
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[Dec. 3rd, 2007|06:09 pm] |
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post something beautiful. song, picture, whatev. beautiful things make me feel better, and im pretty sure youre the same way. |
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[Dec. 3rd, 2007|03:59 pm] |
im on the edge. i know ive said this before, but i dont really know whats going on anymore. little things that shouldnt matter make me feel like crying. school...well, i dont do school. i do i guess, but its just going through the motions, go to class, memorize for test, forget. none of the things im doing seem to matter, and i feel like im floating in this gelatinous fluid that neither lets me move around nor stay in the same place. i suppose i feel helpless, like i cant control what i feel or what happens in the world around me. so i just sit, and wait. and almost get hit by a train. that was good, because it gave me something to think about for a couple days. now im slipping back into this pit. i guess it must have started with all of the rachel stuff, but i was already like this. i guess that must have just kicked it over the edge. past the point of no return, so now i just generally feel shitty about things. then when bad things happen that i would have been able to brush off before, they make me feel terrible and like falling asleep for a couple years.
i dont feel like editing that.
let me put it this way:
i feel shitty, but when i distract myself wiht friends or weed or having a fun night one night, i feel better. but then i always seem to return to this state of apprenhension and anxiety, and this sense of helplessness about how to make myself feel good. its all a distraction, and when left alone i feel bad. how is that supposed to make me feel? helpless, to be certain.
i dont think im clinically depressed, thats a pretty rash assumption, but i feel very fragile. i dont react to negative stimuli the way i should. and im always surprised by how good i feel when i get drunk. almost euphoric.
i guess i feel like im not making any of the right decisions. but then when i think about it, there werent really any better decisions i could have made. only bad decisions? no matter what i do, i feel bad afterwards. like this entry. stupid entry. it wont do anything, and im probably not even getting my point across.
maybe its just the futility of everything i do. like, how many deeply meaningful things can you do? that will really change how you feel? temporary solutions for a long term problem. im all mixed up actually, i dont even know whats making me feel this way. so how am i supposed to get out of it? its like putting on a lot of wrinkle cream when you really just need different skin. everything is so thin and meaningless. going through the motions, man. friends, school, eating, working, its all the same. nothing is really there. our lives consist of nothing.
damnit rachel, its so hollow. im so confused. i dont know how i feel. i dont feel, and that feels bad. but thats a feeling. but not really. ugh.
ps. this entry jumps around a lot. i dont really think i know what im talking about. i guess things are just making me feel bad. thats about it. just things. i dont know though, i think thats the main point.
edit:
i figured out the rachel thing. i hate what shes become. if shes telling the truth, and its just the meds and shell get better soon then fine. but if this is how she is now, i definitely cant go out with her. i hate it. i hate the things she does, what she says to me, and how she makes me feel. i have a lot of resentment towards her. if somehow she can convince me shes gonna change back then maybe we have a chance, but as the days go by i see less and less of a possibility of that happening. but thats just part of the issue. |
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moneyyy's journal
